Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Why babies?

I hate arguing for or against having kids with people. Because I feel like there are way to many concrete, tangible reasons to NOT have kids - I like my Saturday mornings, I'd rather not wreck my body, I like my boobs where they are thanks, I don't have an extra million dollars laying around, etc.

But there are not so many reasons to list when asked "why" you want kids. What are you supposed to say, "I'm a sucker for poopy diapers and ear piercing screams?" "I heart projectile vomit?"

I mean - you've got your feelings - the desire to see what you would create, the indescribable pull to be a parent. That tug in your heart when you see a baby and know that being a mom is something you're supposed to do in your life. But when it comes to things people (read: the other sex) can relate to, the only thing you've really got is "Because I do."

I shake my fist at you, intangible reasons to wanting kids!

7 comments:

Sarah said...

Interesting post...

I've felt both ways, so I see your point. You may feel differently one day too. Maybe not. I think the main thing is that it's okay for you to feel either way. I hate when people get mad if you do/don't want a kid and think that you are wrong and WILL change your mind. That's annoying.

CageQueen said...

I think a lot of people have kids but do so because they seceretly think it is obligatory. I'd much rather see a couple be honest, yet society punishes them as though their lives will never be complete. I read an article written by a woman younger than thirty, who was refused a tubal ligation; her doctor told her she was too young to make such a decision. I was livid. As she pointed out, she is too young to not have kids but perfectly capable of having children she can't or won't provide for? I emt a woman recently who referred to her and her husband as "child-free" as opposed to "child-less." I want to know where people get off even thinking it is even any of their business to ask people such personal questions! That all being said, I think we're the only couple in history not to be asked after our wedding when we'd be having kids. Maybe people think we wont' stay married long enough? *Sigh* I hate society.

rachel/the sheriff said...

My parents have always said how there is nothing like having a child and you will never understand until you have one of your own, however, they also say that having a child is a fully SELFISH thing to do - it's for you, the people who want a kid, it's not like the world needs more people.

Todd said...

Being a parent is the best job I've ever had in the world. But it's not a job for everyone!

adriana said...

I feel like I didn't write this post clearly. I am absolutely for having kids, and I am seriously looking forward to being a mom. I guess what I was trying to say with this post is that I'm having a hard time defending my "reasons" for wanting kids. I don't think there need to be concrete "reasons," because my desire for children is fairly intangible. It's hard to defend feelings against the tangible reasons to not have kids, and that's what bugs me...

m. m. schnee said...

I have had this debate with myself on and off. I know that it is probably the most "natural" instinct we have. I honestly haven't felt it for a long while. But what convinced myself was this: It solidifies a bond in a way that is very unique...it makes you a unit with at least two other individuals. And, while I'm not into mom-ness often, I am into having a posse (maybe my inner instincts tell me this is safer). I can't get over the idea of growing old with someone else and not having a little one to remind us to take ourselves more seriously..or less seriously, depending on the moment. This realization came to me after my fear of being the last one surviving in my family because of my age had been squelched by the arrival of Madison. I think cooking together or taking care of a pet together and admiring the results also has clued me in to some of the joys of what two people can cultivate. That being said, nannying sobered me up from any maternal fantasies. It's not glamour in the mainstream sense, but I can see that moms can be beautiful roles to assume.

p.s. These are the "tangibles" I have attached to some intangible desires, if this helps. :O)

Anonymous said...

It’s Biology. For the majority of us it is in the very fabric of our being. I did not want kids until the day after my 30th Birthday. It was as if someone had put an “I want a baby” spell on me. I woke up and bingo, bango, bongo I inexplicably wanted a baby. A few days later I was Target and I walked by a pair of booties and stopped and turned back toward them rubbed them in between my fingers and said Awwww , OUT LOUD. A split second later I thought

What the hell are you doing?

Who are you? I don't even know you any more!

Baby's screaming in restaurants stopped bothering me. I'm telling you it was like a light switch came on. For the first time in my life I finally connected with women that wanted children and I didn't look at them like they a second head growing out of their neck. It is a biological need that is not unlike the overwhelming desire to choke the shit out of your husband when you are on your period. The need is there and you can’t explain it.