Thursday, May 7, 2009


The one thing you always notice about going out in Los Angeles are the annoying and crazy people who are also going out in Los Angeles.

While going out last night at a small John Mayer show at Hotel Cafe, we saw:

1) At LEAST 12 men wearing plaid (My dude and John Mayer included). It was hilarious, because literally 1 in 4 men we saw were in plaid. My dude was mortified that he was dressed in a "trendy" fashion, and vowed several times throughout the evening to never wear plaid again. Which makes me sad, because I love his flannel. And made him mad, because he's been wearing plaid consistently since 1994, and how dare those assholes take his trend?

2) Four total douchebags in front of us in line who were "Twittering" about the experience. Of standing in line. While nothing happened. Then, something DID happen - John Mayer arrived in his car! (Ooooooh. OMG IN HIS CAR!) Shortly thereafter the following line was overheard. "I'm totally Twittering what kind of car John Mayer showed up in right now." Oh, how I wish I were kidding.

3) Three middle-aged ladies behind us in line who were entirely too "in to" John Mayer. Look, there had to be some, but these ladies were doing their best at giving the Mayercraft crazies a run for their money. At one point, we sort of heard that the show had started, and one of them exclaimed "I totally can feel it. He just started playing. I felt it." Then, they were talking about calling John Mayer "J May," because they were "that close." And THEN, there were the two goofball guys who came outside and loudly (and sarcastically) exclaimed "OMG you made out with JOHN MAYER!" These girls? Were like, "Really????" I think I may have actually smacked my own forehead in disbelief over that one.

4) Two "gentlemen of the night" shopping their wares at Hollywood and Cahuenga.

5) The crazy hoochie mama in the short, tropics print gauze dress and 5 inch heels. Did i mention it was REALLY windy last night?

Ahh... going out in LA is always such an adventure.

Monday, May 4, 2009

3 Reasons I Hate "The Valley."

Caution: Long rant about to start.

Three obnoxious things that happened to me in the valley during the errands I ran on my way home:

1) Awful customer service at the Osh Hardware store on Fallbrook. I went in for a couple of things, including more yellow jacket traps, and foam caulk to fill the mouse hole under our sink. 10 minutes of wandering around without anyone offering to help me, and I finally find the yellow jacket traps. They're in a box, and there's a sales tag attached to the box that says $5.99. I decide to get three. Then I get up to the register, and they each ring up as $10.99. I politely tell the checker girl (also known as Dumb Bitch, so I think you know how this is going) that the traps were marked as $5.99.

She calls the nursery woman (also known as C U Next Tuesday) and a 5-year-old manager boy over. I explain where I got the traps, and what the sign read. Nursery woman walks back to the aisle with me, and shows me how the sign on the box of traps is wrong. But really, it doesn't matter to me, because the sign was there and says that's the price. So I go back to the register, and tell checker girl that the price was wrong, but the $5.99 was how it was marked. 5-year-old manager boy tells checker girl to just ring it up as $5.99. But does the dumb bitch do that? No. Instead, she calls nursery woman, who comes over and bitches at 5-year-old manager that the traps were marked wrong. At this point, I should have just walked away. Instead, 5-year-old manager folds under the pressure, and just looks around in desperation.

I say - "The product was marked at $5.99. You're going to have to figure out what to do about this." And the fucker charged me $10.99 per trap.

So I leave, totally pissed off, because it is my firm belief that a product should be sold at the price it is marked, mistake or no. It wasn't like I went and moved the damn sign, and it's that stupid moron's JOB to make sure that stuff like that doesn't happen. And now I'm just kicking myself for going through with the purchase, and I'm totally going back tomorrow to return the damn things. I'll buy them at the Do It Center instead, and I'll be writing a very nasty letter to that manager's boss. Fucktards.

2) So next I went into Target to look for a water softener, which they don't have. So I treat myself to a new purse (impulse buy, much?) instead. As I'm walking to the checkout, there is a woman with her two kids. The boy is about 6, and the girl is about 3, and the boy has the girl by the waist and is swinging her around. Which obviously bothers her, as she starts screaming and writhing in pain or discomfort. The mom, though, doesn't seem to care much until the girl's screams reach Mach 3 and then she finally screams at the boy "Put her ass down! Put her ass down! Put her fucking ass down!"

Yeah. It made me mad, too.

But it didn't end there. She continued the verbal abuse of both of her kids while the girl continued to scream and cry, and clutch her side. Granted, it looked like she was fine, but still. Comfort your kid just a little bit. They got in line behind me (lovely) and the boy started unloading the cart, and being a general brat about the "stuff" he was going to get. And the mom just looked at him and said, "Don't touch my shit."

After that I just tried to tune them out, which was hard with the consistent screaming of the little girl. I really wanted to say something, but it was definitely one of those situations where it would have made things much worse. So instead I left, because the whole thing made me sad on top of the mad I'd worked up from the Osh.

3) I finally made it over to Yozen Frogurt for some pomegranate frozen yogurt, and this hoochie teenager got in line behind me. She was on her cell phone, and continued to stay on her cell phone while she was ordering, which I really hate. How rude can you be, really? Just talking and talking about absolutely nothing while she's trying to order three yogurts to go. And then, she finally does get off her phone, and becomes chatty Cathy with me - "Oooh, which one did you get? Is it good?" No. I don't think so, you silly brat.

So, the moral of this ridiculously long, winding down rant?

People in the valley suck big hairy balls.