3 Reasons I Hate "The Valley."

Caution: Long rant about to start.

Three obnoxious things that happened to me in the valley during the errands I ran on my way home:

1) Awful customer service at the Osh Hardware store on Fallbrook. I went in for a couple of things, including more yellow jacket traps, and foam caulk to fill the mouse hole under our sink. 10 minutes of wandering around without anyone offering to help me, and I finally find the yellow jacket traps. They're in a box, and there's a sales tag attached to the box that says $5.99. I decide to get three. Then I get up to the register, and they each ring up as $10.99. I politely tell the checker girl (also known as Dumb Bitch, so I think you know how this is going) that the traps were marked as $5.99.

She calls the nursery woman (also known as C U Next Tuesday) and a 5-year-old manager boy over. I explain where I got the traps, and what the sign read. Nursery woman walks back to the aisle with me, and shows me how the sign on the box of traps is wrong. But really, it doesn't matter to me, because the sign was there and says that's the price. So I go back to the register, and tell checker girl that the price was wrong, but the $5.99 was how it was marked. 5-year-old manager boy tells checker girl to just ring it up as $5.99. But does the dumb bitch do that? No. Instead, she calls nursery woman, who comes over and bitches at 5-year-old manager that the traps were marked wrong. At this point, I should have just walked away. Instead, 5-year-old manager folds under the pressure, and just looks around in desperation.

I say - "The product was marked at $5.99. You're going to have to figure out what to do about this." And the fucker charged me $10.99 per trap.

So I leave, totally pissed off, because it is my firm belief that a product should be sold at the price it is marked, mistake or no. It wasn't like I went and moved the damn sign, and it's that stupid moron's JOB to make sure that stuff like that doesn't happen. And now I'm just kicking myself for going through with the purchase, and I'm totally going back tomorrow to return the damn things. I'll buy them at the Do It Center instead, and I'll be writing a very nasty letter to that manager's boss. Fucktards.

2) So next I went into Target to look for a water softener, which they don't have. So I treat myself to a new purse (impulse buy, much?) instead. As I'm walking to the checkout, there is a woman with her two kids. The boy is about 6, and the girl is about 3, and the boy has the girl by the waist and is swinging her around. Which obviously bothers her, as she starts screaming and writhing in pain or discomfort. The mom, though, doesn't seem to care much until the girl's screams reach Mach 3 and then she finally screams at the boy "Put her ass down! Put her ass down! Put her fucking ass down!"

Yeah. It made me mad, too.

But it didn't end there. She continued the verbal abuse of both of her kids while the girl continued to scream and cry, and clutch her side. Granted, it looked like she was fine, but still. Comfort your kid just a little bit. They got in line behind me (lovely) and the boy started unloading the cart, and being a general brat about the "stuff" he was going to get. And the mom just looked at him and said, "Don't touch my shit."

After that I just tried to tune them out, which was hard with the consistent screaming of the little girl. I really wanted to say something, but it was definitely one of those situations where it would have made things much worse. So instead I left, because the whole thing made me sad on top of the mad I'd worked up from the Osh.

3) I finally made it over to Yozen Frogurt for some pomegranate frozen yogurt, and this hoochie teenager got in line behind me. She was on her cell phone, and continued to stay on her cell phone while she was ordering, which I really hate. How rude can you be, really? Just talking and talking about absolutely nothing while she's trying to order three yogurts to go. And then, she finally does get off her phone, and becomes chatty Cathy with me - "Oooh, which one did you get? Is it good?" No. I don't think so, you silly brat.

So, the moral of this ridiculously long, winding down rant?

People in the valley suck big hairy balls.

At least you're regular?

And the guest posts are slowly trickling in! I actually got this submission a few weeks ago, but I have been neglecting this blog, so it's taken me a while to get around to this one! I swear I'll be better in the future. :-)

I understand schedules, I do. I am in awe of the human body clock, and yours is on time. Is it ever on time. Every day you get to work, turn on your computer and get ready for the day. Every day you walk in to our single stall bathroom and do your business. Every day! You are in there FOREVER, so it makes it hard not to notice. You are the first person first thing in the morning to stink it up with your "regularness". If you are that regular, can't you train it to be done at home? Oh, and make sure you flush all the way or clean the bowl...I'm tired of your poo crumbs and skid marks on the bottom of the bowl. Cochina!

1-800-Flowers

Why do you tease me, 1-800-Flowers??? You say you have CUPCAKES, yet it's really just a flower arrangement! I shake my fist at you!

(Sorry for the crappy quality of this photo - I was being that asshole who takes photos while driving in traffic. For her blog.)

Exactly.

Fail blog has it perfectly right today. Asshole stopped at green light? Check. Dumb shit on his cell phone? Check. Hypocrite? Check. You FAIL.

Stop calling me!!!

Hi, College I Went To Alumnus Program?

I understand that your sole purpose is to harass former students for money.

I understand that it's uncomfortable to cold call people for money when our economy is in the shitter.

But, if you REALLY wanted money from me? You would make an effort to say my damn name correctly.

I realize it's a toughie. But if you can't even pronounce "Adriana," you are totally fucked. Because there's no way in hell I'm giving you money after you so badly butcher my name that even my mother wouldn't know who you were asking for.

Also - NO, I don't want to update my contact information.

Oh, but why not?

Because you hit me up for enough money, even though I already gave you over $40,000 to go to your school in the first place.

Screw off, and stop calling me.

Thanks.

So much for integrity in "journalism."

I am totally aware of the fact that tabloids and gossip magazines are not typically concerned with being factual. In fact, I know that 99% of what is written in gossip magazines is false. But, every once in a while, a story pops up that is so blatantly a fabrication that it makes me physically shake my fist!

Case in point: John Mayer is dating Jennifer Aniston. They both went to Mexico for New Years. Also, in a completely unrelated story - John Mayer hosted on his blog a holiday interfaith cake baking contest in which people sent in photos of the cakes they baked and he and his friends chose two to win guitars.

There was a "news story" in a gossip rag (I think it was Star, which I never trust and/or read but caught my attention in the Ralphs line the other night) about John and Jennifer having spent New Years in Cabo San Lucas. This "article" was sort of like the Star "article," talking about the grand old time they had.

So where's the problem? The problem can be found on John Mayer's blog. The "article" ends with a "quote" from John Mayer: "John, meanwhile, passed on group socialising and headed back to the U.S where he gushed about his time with Jen. John wrote on his blog, 'I had the best holiday season since I was a little boy.'"

But wait! If you read that actual blog entry, he's not talking about Mexico! He's talking about the holiday interfaith cake contest he held, and the fun he and his peeps had looking at all the photos that were sent in and baking their own cake! Here's the ACTUAL quote:

"And to everyone who submitted a cake, both into an oven and to my blog, THANK YOU. I was blown away at the time you took to make such brilliant looking creations. Because of you I had the best holiday season since I was a little boy. I hope you all felt a little merrier for it, too."

Seriously? How starved for a story are you that you take a quote that was about cake and make it sound like it was about their relationship? That so called "reporter" should be hog tied and dunked in a well.

SO absolutely ridiculous.

Way to be a bad friend.

We have our first guest rant today! Enjoy...

Just say no!

Hey, you! Yeah, you. I have a bone to pick with you. Do you know what I meant when I said "It's important"? Does that resonate anywhere in your brain? How many things do I ask you to do? Ummmm, none. I'm pretty sure the last time I asked you to do something for me you still had all of your brain cells. And that was what? 15 years ago? Maybe, that's what attributes to your jerkiness. All the drug use (that you said didn't affect you) finally caught up with you and turned your mental calendar into a sponge. It's okay if you say you can't or no. I'm an adult. I can take no for an answer. What I can't take? Your breaking the news to me "ooooh dude, I don't think I can do that thing for you" after I asked you and asked you. AND YOU SAID YES! GRRRRR. And don't call me dude.

We shake our fists at bad friends!

Grocery store lady, I shake my fist at you!

I went to the grocery store last night because our fridge looked like we were two frat boys living off of beer, cheese, and condiments. I loaded up on tons of stuff - veggies, dinner stuff, frozen lunches, etc. And then I went to check out, and the most annoying thing happened.

I start unloading our massive amount of stuff onto the belt, and as I'm about 3/4 of the way through, the woman standing two people back leans forward to us and says "10 items?"

Yes. I was totally in the express lane with my 900 items. I quickly looked up and saw the "express" sign, and mumbled an apology to whoever was in the vicinity. Then, embarrassed, and getting red in the face, I started loading everything BACK in the cart.

At which point, the same woman was all, "Ugh, stay. Just stay."

What???

That's when I got mad.

Pick a side, bitch! Either tell me that I have too many items and am in the wrong line, or back the fuck off and mind your own business! Don't tell me, "you have too many," then tell me to "just stay" in the line, like you're some saint because you're "allowing" me to stay in the line with too many items. Why even point it out and embarrass me in the first place!?

Anyway - we switched lines and waited again, because at that point I was too pissed to stay in line with this woman.

I just hate that - obviously it was an accident and I didn't notice the "express" line. I wasn't trying to get out faster than anyone, I had just chosen the shortest line without paying attention that it was "express."

Oh, and by the way, there were 4 lanes open and 3 of them were "express." Are you kidding me?

This is why we never grocery shop!

Don't be a texting whore.

I read this post over on Confessions of a Cohabitant today, and it made me think of a friend of mine who is constantly texting. All the time. Hundreds, possibly even thousands, of text messages a day. Her phone is constantly within reach, and at the longest, she'll go five minutes without texting. It's a problem.

In a bar for a friend's birthday? Texting. In a movie theater? Texting. At work? Texting. Driving? Texting.

It bugs the crap out of me.

Because she is NEVER 100% there. Not paying attention. Distracted. And it makes you feel like she doesn't really give a shit about hanging out with you. That there's always somewhere else she'd rather be.

It makes me wish that "unlimited texting" plans were never created. Maybe if it cost $45-60/day she would cut it the fuck out.

7-4er.

Just a quick one because I am super busy today catching up on my Google Reader. Oh yeah, and working.

I work 7am - 4pm.

It's an arrangement that I worked out with my boss and company when school started last September and it took me over 2 hours to get to work one morning.

A lot of my work needs to be done before noon, and I work with our East Coast office often enough that it was beneficial all around to work 7am - 4pm.

So, anyway. 7am - 4pm. I love it. I love being here early, I love working by myself, and I get SO much done before other people start trickling in around 9am. By 9:30am, I have most of my daily crap done and am available for the troubleshooting that is the majority of my job lately.

But the problem? Leaving at 4pm. People who don't work with me directly and know the score are always like, why the fuck does she always get to leave at 4pm? I have to be here till after 6pm!

BECAUSE I GET HERE THREE HOURS BEFORE YOU DO. That's why. Mind your own damn business. Don't be all giving me stink eye because I made an arrangement that works for me and everyone I deal with directly!

It bugs me SO much. You don't know what arrangements I have. You don't know my life!

Not so appropriate.

Why do people in offices insist on making inappropriate and annoying comments when someone's significant other stops by?

Coworker: Was that your boy that just dropped you off outside?
me: Oh, yeah, it was.
Coworker: Ooohh, a little afternoon delight?
me: Um... no. We just went to lunch.

You know what sucks?

When someone steals your boyfriend's debit card number and uses it to drop $1,500 in San Francisco. Eight days before you're supposed to move.

Hi, co-worker, me again.

I understand that you have a busy schedule - with small companies, everyone does. However, leaving a third of a cup of coffee in the coffee pot is still a largely frowned-upon, dick move.

If you want to finish the pot and not make a new one, fine. That's rude in itself, but sort of understandable. But leaving just enough to tease someone into thinking they're getting a cup of coffee is just plain mean.

Thanks a lot, ass.

If only you'd paid attention.

The boyfriend and I went out this weekend with the hopes of finding a good camera store with a friendly salesperson to answer a few questions for us. (Little did I know boyfriend was fully ready to buy me a camera right there and then!) We drove around for a while and ended up at this place in Woodland Hills called Woodland Hills Camera & Telescopes. Looking back, it seems like they are much more a telescope place than a camera place, but hi, their name has "camera" in it, so we went in expecting to talk to someone who knew something about cameras.

Here's how our experience went: We go into the cramped store. There's a middle-aged man helping a guy at the back counter, and an old man, a teenage boy, and a middle-aged woman working in the store with several customers. I head back to back counter, where the middle-aged guy is helping a guy choose between two point and shoot cameras. Since neither of them are a Nikon or a Canon (or even an Olympus, for that matter), I start to wonder. There's a lady waiting after him, and I approach and start to look at the SLR and DSLR cameras they sell.

I make eye contact with the guy to let him know we have some questions and stand patiently for at least five to ten minutes while he helps the other two customers. The guy who is weighing his options between the point and shoots asks for a minute to think about it, and we are finally helped.

Or, should I say, not helped. This guy was a complete asshole. He was rude, he was standoffish, and most importantly, he didn't seem to give a shit about the fact that the cameras we were looking at were at least TWICE the price as the guy dilly dallying about the point and shoots.

We were ready to buy! We were ready to say, ok, wrap it up and let's go! If only he had paid attention to us, and given us the quality of service you'd think would keep a mom and pop place like that open!

I asked about the D60 and the D40X. He completely brushed of me asking about the D40X, even though he had at least four of them in boxes under the counter. I had to ask him to see the physical D60, which he did very begrudgingly. At that point, I was already put off by this guy. I was playing around with the D60 when he went back to help point and shoot guy. While he was helping him, the older man in the shop came up and asked him if anyone needed any help. He looked at us, and said NO.

What? Obviously I have questions about a Digital SLR. Point and shoot guy then need MORE time to think (I don't know about you, but this tipped me off that he wasn't quite ready to drop $400 on a camera). The dude finally paid attention to us again, and I took the opportunity to ask him about the D80, and about whether or not I could use my old Nikon lenses on the Digital SLR. He told me to forget about the D80, because Nikon was going to announce the new version in a month at the European trade shows. What if I still wanted the damn D80??? I made him give me the one he had on the shelf so I could hold it and see how I liked it anyway, but I was totally over it by then. And the lenses? He could not for the life of him give us a straight answer as to if they would work or not. No way was I going to allow Sean to spend money in this place.

We left shortly after that, totally pissed off that this guy had totally blotched the opportunity for his store to sell a camera to us.

You have to be a special kind of stupid to completely alienate two customers who are actually ready to buy a $700 camera and make them never want to go near your store again.

So, the moral of this story? Don't shop at Woodland Hills Camera & Telescopes. And also, if you ever own a company of your very own? Don't mistake a young couple as "browzers" when they very well maybe be dropping large amounts of cash in your store.

Something is not right here.

One of the things that bugs me about the general office experience is people who have a completely distorted sense of how things work. The following story is not a first hand account, but a friend told me about it and I was immediately irritated for her. :-)

Setup: A new temp is hired when the person in her position is promoted, and starts on Wednesday. The position is one which often requires lots of overtime. She is responsible for assisting a department that has members in different California offices, as well as an office in London. They have a department meeting at 8am every Tuesday which everyone from every office attends.

Cut to this morning, when my friend gets an email from this new temp, requesting that the department meeting (which has been on the same day and time for over two years) be moved from 8am to 8:30am because she doesn't get in until 8:30am.

I'm sorry? How long have you worked there? Two days? And you're asking to move a long standing meeting that tons of people from different time zones go to, so you don't have to come in a half hour earlier once a week?

How are people that dense and self-concerned?

My friend responded with a hasty "no," to her email, and then received another email:

"On second thought, I'll do my best to attend the 8am start time."

Do your best? No! You will be there!! Or, you will work out with your boss whatever reason you have to NOT be there. But jeeze. You're BRAND new, you do not get to negotiate for a while.

Listen to my words.

I can't stand when people (1) don't pay attention to what you're saying, and (2) are complete boneheads.

Part of what I do for my company is ordering acquired films that we air from the production studios. We had another film come up that we wanted to air in two weeks, so I went through my normal channels and ordered it. This is the 6th film in the last three years that I have had to order from this woman, let's call her Angie. Yesterday, I emailed Angie with our formal request for the film. This morning, we went back and forth with emails. I'm just going to cut and paste our emails below...

Me: Hi Angie, Here is our formal order for the film (title). The DigiBeta can please be delivered to (my address). Please let me know if there are any issues."

Angie: Can you please forward me me you technical specs? (<-- yes, that is incorrect grammar in there... and she's asking for the same document I've sent her FIVE times before.)

Me: Here you go! Thanks.

Angie: Hi, I need your tech. SPECS. (<-- THAT'S WHAT I JUST SENT YOU, LADY!)

Me: This is the same document (updated more recently) as I have sent you for (other movie), (other movie), etc. Please let me know specifically what you are looking for if this document does not cover it. We will be taking care of formatting the film, as well as the closed captioning.

Angie: Hi, Please forward me the Specs file. Lab, cannot locate. (<-- WTF???? I consider this seriously rude because I literally forwarded it to her two emails ago.)

Me: Sorry for any miscommunication, it's the file I just sent you. It is titled Programming Specs, and it has the rundown of our deliverables. I have attached it again for your convenience.

Angie: (title) - is due to ship out tomorrow.


I want points for not saying, "YOU HAVE THE DOCUMENT, YOU FLIPPING MORON."

"JOE????"

Hi, coworkers! It's me again. Just a friendly reminder - we all work in the same office, and just because your office is not remotely near the office of someone you talk to 20x/day, it is still rude to shrilly yell across our entire building to see if someone is at their desk. Go see for yourself, or better yet, CALL THEM! If they don't answer? Chances are they're not sitting at their phone. This knowledge will eliminate the necessity of you screaming at the top of your lungs to see if they're there, and will thus prevent me from wanting to punch you in the face.

Who are you, again?

I've had this issue lately, and it surfaced once again yesterday, urging me to rant about it. We know several people through our extended group of friends who are rude, self-absorbed jerks. I don't know that there are too many other ways to put it. One or two of them have the particular problem of not remembering people they have met (sometimes on numerous occasions). Or, rather, not giving enough of a shit to pay attention when they meet the person so that they recognize them later.

Take, for example, the encounter my boyfriend had yesterday with the almost-ex-wife of a friend of a friend.

My boyfriend has met this gal numerous times over the last few years. Parties, get-togethers, group dinners out. He has had boys nights with her almost-ex-husband. He's played video games at their house. We've sat across the table from her at dinners.

So, when he ran into her at a local restaurant yesterday and gave her a polite "hey," he expected at least a vague recognition of familiarity. And got nothing. She did not recognize him. And she gave him a not-quite-polite brush off. (Or, maybe she did recognize him, and is just more of a bitch than we thought.)

Which is fine, actually. Because it's not like we need to expend energy on trying to be nice to her. But still. It's more than a little rude, if you ask me.

Here's a hint.

Hi, sweetie?

It's one thing to announce a divorce a week and a half before your close friends' wedding. It's worse when you're doing the bride's hair, and your soon-to-be-ex-husband is the best man. But life is messy, and sometimes the timing is off, so we'll let that one go.

But it is unforgivably rude to show up nearly two hours late to do the bride's hair on her WEDDING DAY. It is tasteless to latch onto the single guy at your table and make it your first date together. It is even less classy to be easily discovered making out with said single guy approximately 30 minutes before the best man's speech.

You should have checked your so-called pride and ego at the door. This day was not about you, and you wasted precious moments of your friends' wedding day drawing the attention away from them and towards your need for drama. Their wedding? Not the time, or the place. Grow up, suck it up for a few hours, and pout about it later when no one else has to see it.

That's not my name, ok?

I was reading a random blog I found today and came across a post called "My name ain't Lexi." I read it, laughed, then went to comment on it, and discovered I had quite a few things to say about the topic! See, this girl's name is Alexa, and people she works with call her "Lexi," which she doesn't like. I identify, of course, because my full name is Adriana, and I hate when people I don't know call me "Adri."

It's a fine line - I have lots of friends who call me "Adri." It's a nickname from high school, and I get it. You shorten my name because it's long and weird and whatever. I'm totally cool with my good friends calling me this, because they KNOW my full name, and use it when necessary.

I don't like when people I don't know call me "Adri." I also hate being introduced as "Adri." But again, if it's my friends, I'll deal, because I'm not a raging bitch and at the end of the day, it's just a flippin nickname.

But at work, I don't go by "Adri." I go by my full name, "Addy," or "Ade," as my friend Desi sometimes calls me. But there is one girl, Jeanette, who insists on calling me "Adri."

At first, she was new, so I didn't know how to correct her, since I'm actually a pretty nice person who doesn't like correcting people when they don't know any better. But it went on and on, and eventually I figured out a way to jokingly bring up how I don't go by "Adri" at work. I explained to her how I go by Adriana at work, and how her calling me "Adri" is similar to me shortening her nice, pretty name to "Jean," or even "Net" or something. (my mom's name is Jean, by the way, and it's a very nice name, so please don't be offended if your name is Jean)

We had a nice little conversation, and I thought she got it, but she continued to call me "Adri!" I finally just gave up, because obviously it's not something that's going to change anytime soon. She has since left the company for bigger and better things, so I guess sometimes there are things you just have to ride out. But today I'm feeling particularly cranky, and after reading Alexa's blog, I just had to mention it.