Wednesday, April 9, 2008

No offense, but...

Disclaimer: Attention friends of mine that are getting married - this isn't about you.

I've been looking at wedding stuff a lot in the last few months and a few things have come to my attention that make me mad.

I am soooo sick to death of all of the things that are "required" for weddings these days! I mean, it's cool to have parties and celebrations, but why do they all require me to spend excessive amounts of money on you? Engagement parties, bridal showers, more bridal showers, bachelorette parties, weddings.

And sooo many people aren't satisfied unless people spend at LEAST $25 on a gift. They fully EXPECT people to bring them all this stuff that they may never even use. The smart, crafty ones register for cash, trips, or stuff they can turn into cash or use on trips. The extravagant ones expect numerous sets of silver and china, and furniture that will never fit in their 800 sq. foot one bedroom.

And THEN, if you mention all the showers or whatnot they're having, they make some offhand quip about "well, we ARE paying for all of you to come to the wedding." Like I asked you to find the most expensive place in the world to get married. Like I told you, "yes, please, I want you to spend $700 on me!" Here's an inside tip: We don't care where you get married. You could get married at a public park and we'd still be as happy as we'd be at that fancy country club.

The flip side is that I love weddings. I love the celebration of people who love each other, and when it comes to my close friends, I love to buy them stuff. I have no problem getting a gift for the couple, a gift for my friend. But my friends are reasonable. Most other people? Not so much.

Maybe it's just something I don't understand completely, since I'm not engaged or planning a wedding. Maybe it's some mindset that you snap into when you decide to get married. "This is about ME" or something. But give me a break. Yes, your wedding is important. But it's not an excuse to bleed people dry.

In a way, I blame reality television and the Internet. I know that's kind of lame, but it's true if you think about it. People are exposed to all these SUPER expensive parties and weddings, and begin to think that it's normal to spend $40,000+ on a single day. Here's a thought: Elope, buy a house with that $40,000 you just happened to have laying around, and then have a party there.

I have four weddings to go to this year. Four. And one of them is on the other side of the country. And, granted, I am really excited for all of them. But, these weddings? On top of all the birthdays, the graduation, and the freaking holidays. I apologize in advance, because you are all getting handmade presents for Christmas this year.

Also, here's my promise to you. When I get married, I won't have an engagement party. I won't have bridesmaids, so my friends won't have to spend money on a dress and shoes they're never going to wear again. My bachelorette party will be as close to free as I can get it to be, so that people can actually go to it and not worry about making that month's rent. And if I do have a shower (or showers, because let's admit it, there are lots of people around who want to celebrate with you when you get married, plus, I'm Italian, so there's really no way of avoiding multiple showers), I'm totally down with 10 people chipping in on a $100 gift card for the spa. Once. Not multiple times. Coming to more than one shower does not mean buying more than one gift.

You will not have to break the bank for my wedding. Deal?


Anonymous said...

KUDOS! I totally agree!

Same here - we should consult each other when planning - keep it under control - OMG!

Rachel/The Sheriff said...

I agree 100% and maybe even a little bit MORE extreme than you. You know this, as we talked elsewhere about it - but it's just ridiculous what people expect others to do!

Carley said...

I am with you on this COMPLETELY. completely.