At least you're regular?

And the guest posts are slowly trickling in! I actually got this submission a few weeks ago, but I have been neglecting this blog, so it's taken me a while to get around to this one! I swear I'll be better in the future. :-)

I understand schedules, I do. I am in awe of the human body clock, and yours is on time. Is it ever on time. Every day you get to work, turn on your computer and get ready for the day. Every day you walk in to our single stall bathroom and do your business. Every day! You are in there FOREVER, so it makes it hard not to notice. You are the first person first thing in the morning to stink it up with your "regularness". If you are that regular, can't you train it to be done at home? Oh, and make sure you flush all the way or clean the bowl...I'm tired of your poo crumbs and skid marks on the bottom of the bowl. Cochina!

It IS a tumor!

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, I shake my fist at you.

You are a complete idiot who should never have been elected governor, let alone re-elected.

And now, because of you, thousands of Californian teachers and school workers will be without jobs next year - over 40,000, by the way. Class sizes will skyrocket to astronomical numbers - Almost 40 1st graders per class? Seriously? And my mom's monthly retirement package will go down 20%. Thanks for that.

Asshole!

YOU are a tumor on the brain of California.

Is it 2010 yet?

1-800-Flowers

Why do you tease me, 1-800-Flowers??? You say you have CUPCAKES, yet it's really just a flower arrangement! I shake my fist at you!

(Sorry for the crappy quality of this photo - I was being that asshole who takes photos while driving in traffic. For her blog.)

Damn you, Lifetime casting agents!

Excuse me for a moment while I geek out about something completely ridiculous.

Fact: I read Nora Roberts books. Yeah, yeah, insert judgment and mockery here.

Fact: Lifetime has been making a good number of Nora Roberts books into TV movies. Which is kind of cool, because I like movies made from books I like, even if they're kind of crappy.

Where am I going with this?

Someone over at Lifetime is a complete moron who has no interest in being true to the books they're converting to film.

Here's the thing that severely pisses me off:

In Northern Lights, the most recent of Roberts' books to be made into a film, the female character, Meg, is a feisty bush pilot. She has BLACK hair and blue eyes and is quite exotic, is standoffish and super independent, doesn't take any crap from anyone, and is 200% able to take care of herself. A good part of her background/character is that she strongly identifies with the Native culture in Alaska.

And who do they cast as Meg in the movie?

Fucking Leann Rimes.

Are you kidding me? Could they have picked a more generic, blonde, absolutely the opposite from the character in the book "actress" to play this part? Leann Rimes is not "tough." She's not "feisty." She is soft and silly.

I am already irritated with this movie, and am pissed off at Lifetime for making it impossible for me to enjoy a movie that I should have gotten at least a little entertainment from by so massively messing up their casting.

Hell, even JEWEL would have been better! Sure, she's still blonde, but at least she's actually been to Alaska before!

Also, upon more research, it seems like they also changed the following details:
- the main character's last name is "Burns" instead of "Burke" <-- WHY? Burke is much better.
- instead of having two huskies, Meg has pitbulls. In Alaska. Really? Which dog makes better sense?

Ugh. So disappointing.

I shake my fist at you, Lifetime!

Exactly.

Fail blog has it perfectly right today. Asshole stopped at green light? Check. Dumb shit on his cell phone? Check. Hypocrite? Check. You FAIL.

Irritating.

I don't know why this bothers me, but it does. I think it's the combination of the fact that it's designed to overtly shove someone's religion upon others and the fact that they use "4gvn" for "forgiven." SO annoying.

Jon Stewart shakes his fist, too!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Twitter Frenzy

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor

Joke of the Day

Stop calling me!!!

Hi, College I Went To Alumnus Program?

I understand that your sole purpose is to harass former students for money.

I understand that it's uncomfortable to cold call people for money when our economy is in the shitter.

But, if you REALLY wanted money from me? You would make an effort to say my damn name correctly.

I realize it's a toughie. But if you can't even pronounce "Adriana," you are totally fucked. Because there's no way in hell I'm giving you money after you so badly butcher my name that even my mother wouldn't know who you were asking for.

Also - NO, I don't want to update my contact information.

Oh, but why not?

Because you hit me up for enough money, even though I already gave you over $40,000 to go to your school in the first place.

Screw off, and stop calling me.

Thanks.

So much for integrity in "journalism."

I am totally aware of the fact that tabloids and gossip magazines are not typically concerned with being factual. In fact, I know that 99% of what is written in gossip magazines is false. But, every once in a while, a story pops up that is so blatantly a fabrication that it makes me physically shake my fist!

Case in point: John Mayer is dating Jennifer Aniston. They both went to Mexico for New Years. Also, in a completely unrelated story - John Mayer hosted on his blog a holiday interfaith cake baking contest in which people sent in photos of the cakes they baked and he and his friends chose two to win guitars.

There was a "news story" in a gossip rag (I think it was Star, which I never trust and/or read but caught my attention in the Ralphs line the other night) about John and Jennifer having spent New Years in Cabo San Lucas. This "article" was sort of like the Star "article," talking about the grand old time they had.

So where's the problem? The problem can be found on John Mayer's blog. The "article" ends with a "quote" from John Mayer: "John, meanwhile, passed on group socialising and headed back to the U.S where he gushed about his time with Jen. John wrote on his blog, 'I had the best holiday season since I was a little boy.'"

But wait! If you read that actual blog entry, he's not talking about Mexico! He's talking about the holiday interfaith cake contest he held, and the fun he and his peeps had looking at all the photos that were sent in and baking their own cake! Here's the ACTUAL quote:

"And to everyone who submitted a cake, both into an oven and to my blog, THANK YOU. I was blown away at the time you took to make such brilliant looking creations. Because of you I had the best holiday season since I was a little boy. I hope you all felt a little merrier for it, too."

Seriously? How starved for a story are you that you take a quote that was about cake and make it sound like it was about their relationship? That so called "reporter" should be hog tied and dunked in a well.

SO absolutely ridiculous.

Yes, this pretty much sums it up.

Thanks for the link, Shosh!

Way to be a bad friend.

We have our first guest rant today! Enjoy...

Just say no!

Hey, you! Yeah, you. I have a bone to pick with you. Do you know what I meant when I said "It's important"? Does that resonate anywhere in your brain? How many things do I ask you to do? Ummmm, none. I'm pretty sure the last time I asked you to do something for me you still had all of your brain cells. And that was what? 15 years ago? Maybe, that's what attributes to your jerkiness. All the drug use (that you said didn't affect you) finally caught up with you and turned your mental calendar into a sponge. It's okay if you say you can't or no. I'm an adult. I can take no for an answer. What I can't take? Your breaking the news to me "ooooh dude, I don't think I can do that thing for you" after I asked you and asked you. AND YOU SAID YES! GRRRRR. And don't call me dude.

We shake our fists at bad friends!

Now open for submissions!

All right! I am now accepting rants (anonymous or not, whichever you'd like) to post on this blog! Here's what to do:

1) Write a rant.
2) Email it to me at: ishakemyfistatyou@gmail.com
3) Let me know if you would like it to be anonymous, or if you don't mind me saying who it was written by.

I'm not sure exactly how it will work - most likely, I'll post one submission a day, so depending on how many people email me, yours could be super quick to post, or take a few days. Be patient! I'll post everyone's! (Unless it's inappropriate content - I don't want spam, etc on here!)

Let the ranting begin!

I have an idea.

People seem to identify with some of the posts on this blog more than others, and it got me to thinking this morning that maybe everyone else would like a place to rant, too!

Alexa just wrote a post about how there are certain things we'd like to talk about but can't. And it was trippy for me, because I was JUST thinking about that.

Just this morning I was thinking about opening up an email account for people to email their rants for me to post on this blog. Sort of like Her Bad Mother's Basement, but more with ranting than confessions.

So - is it worth me creating an email address for this site? Would you have things you'd like to anonymously rant about here that you couldn't on your own blog?

I shake my fist at you, "reply all"!!!

I hate the "reply all" function on email. Ok, maybe hate is a strong word. I strongly dislike the misuse of the "reply all" button. I get it. There are certain situations where everyone needs to know the response. But 99.9% of the time people use this button it is completely and utterly unnecessary.

For example: Someone sends an email asking what time a group is supposed to meet and copies everyone in the group.

OK to "reply all": The person responsible for organizing sends an email back with the time. Everyone needs to know, so "reply all" is appropriate.

Not OK to "reply all": One of the group members sends an email about how they will be five minutes late because they are having a colonoscopy that day. No one needs to know that. Telling one person you would be late (and not mentioning the reason) would have been perfectly acceptable.

Am I the only one who gets irritated by this?

New

I re-vamped the page - what do you think, readers?

Like it?
Hate it?
Couldn't give a shit?

Leave a comment and let me know!

Grocery store lady, I shake my fist at you!

I went to the grocery store last night because our fridge looked like we were two frat boys living off of beer, cheese, and condiments. I loaded up on tons of stuff - veggies, dinner stuff, frozen lunches, etc. And then I went to check out, and the most annoying thing happened.

I start unloading our massive amount of stuff onto the belt, and as I'm about 3/4 of the way through, the woman standing two people back leans forward to us and says "10 items?"

Yes. I was totally in the express lane with my 900 items. I quickly looked up and saw the "express" sign, and mumbled an apology to whoever was in the vicinity. Then, embarrassed, and getting red in the face, I started loading everything BACK in the cart.

At which point, the same woman was all, "Ugh, stay. Just stay."

What???

That's when I got mad.

Pick a side, bitch! Either tell me that I have too many items and am in the wrong line, or back the fuck off and mind your own business! Don't tell me, "you have too many," then tell me to "just stay" in the line, like you're some saint because you're "allowing" me to stay in the line with too many items. Why even point it out and embarrass me in the first place!?

Anyway - we switched lines and waited again, because at that point I was too pissed to stay in line with this woman.

I just hate that - obviously it was an accident and I didn't notice the "express" line. I wasn't trying to get out faster than anyone, I had just chosen the shortest line without paying attention that it was "express."

Oh, and by the way, there were 4 lanes open and 3 of them were "express." Are you kidding me?

This is why we never grocery shop!

Seriously?

Driving into work today I saw a car with a license plate that read: SCBDASS.

Or, "SC Bad Ass." As in USC. Dude also had a USC license plate frame.

My first reaction was, "SERIOUSLY?"

Here's my opinion: If you have to write on your license plate that you're a "USC Bad Ass," that makes you the complete OPPOSITE of a bad ass.

It makes you a tool.

Thanks for playing, douche.

Another grammar irritation.

I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely HATE when people capitalize things unnecessarily. No, I'm not talking about things like how I just capitalized "hate." I'm talking about this: "Come share your Special Memories with us." Really? Why in a million years would you think that "special" and "memories" needed to be capitalized?

Now, I can give a little wiggle room to people who speak English as a second language. There are certain words in different languages that are appropriate to capitalize. But it drives me nuts to see it - especially in print ads, etc.

Seriously, people? Why???

You are making me cranky pants.

I am extremely irritated with my auto insurance today. I bought my car exactly a week ago, and have been attempting to add it to the insurance policy that my mom and I are on.

And they are being total bitches about it.

I called once last Friday.

The lady was totally rude to me, was short with me, and I ultimately got irritated with her and hung up. I know it was an irrational reaction, but I don't care.

Then I tried calling again. This time, the lady was totally cool, but I am not the main person on the policy, so I couldn't add my car. I asked if my mom could call and make a note that I am allowed to, and the lady told me that would be totally fine.

My mom called them. The lady SHE talked to asked if I was an adult. My mom said yes. She asked if I was a dependent. My mom said no. She told my mom that I couldn't be on her policy and needed to get my own.

Which is total crap!

And now I'm pissed. I still haven't been able to get my flipping car put on our policy. I know that I have a 30 day grace period, but COME ON. My mom has been a customer for 36 years... why the shit are they being this difficult!?

I shake my fist at auto insurance people.

Oh, Sarah Palin.

It's just so true, and so sad.